There is no-one-size-fits-all when it comes to the decision to sever a relationship. It can be extremely difficult to separate from a person that is established in your life, and it is important that you take the time you need to ask yourself the necessary questions.
If you find yourself asking, “Should I stay or should I go?” the following steps may help you determine where your heart is…
- Identify the real issues
- Take responsibility
- Visualize your outcome
What are the REAL issues?
Real issues are those that can be backed by evidence, not speculation. There is a huge difference between the two. Evidence is what is actually happening, and speculation is the story we tell ourselves about what is happening. Real issues can be defined as a difference in values. On the other hand, you are speculating if you are making assumptions, getting a “feeling” about something without actually knowing, mind-reading, or predicting the future.
Taking responsibility
Sometimes in relationships, we get caught up in unhealthy patterns of criticism, defense, contempt and stonewalling. We blame the other person for the state of things without acknowledging how our behavior and thought patterns contribute to the problem. We all make mistakes, we all have patterns of response and behaviors that can be difficult for others to deal with. You must be willing to take 100% responsibility of your part in the relationship.
Visualize your future
Consider and visualize the outcome of each decision. What do you see for your life if you stay? If you leave? When you visualize possible outcomes, it opens up new ideas for possible solutions that help identify opportunities for change. It can shift the entire dynamic of a relationship and reveal either cohesiveness or dysfunction and lead you to your true desired outcome.
Eryn Pernarelli, C.C. 