Staying grounded in the midst of divorce and separation eases pain and suffering for you and your family. Many people lose their sense of purpose to chaos, disorganization, fear, and grief. While all of this is quite common and par for the course, it is imperative that you bring yourself back to center.
When you deliberately bring yourself back to center, you reduce the drama and take back control. External factors and circumstances no longer run your life. You can then proceed with clarity, rationality, and integrity.
Stay rooted in your core value system. Identify exactly what is most important to you. What results are you looking for?
Some helpful tips:
#1 Manage your mind. The one thing that will benefit you the most is the ability to manage your thoughts. While there are many external factors outside of your control, the one thing that you can ALWAYS control is the thoughts you choose about the situation. Your thoughts will determine how you feel. How you feel will determine the action you take. The action you take will determine your results. Period.
#2 Stay sober. Using substances to cope with overwhelm and chaos will only add to the confusion. Not only does “numbing out” prevent personal growth and healing, it also prevents you from showing up for yourself and your family. Nobody ever said that working through difficult feelings would be easy, however, placing an emotional hold on this responsibility only prolongs and worsens the issues that you need to address. Don’t give up precious time. Get help if needed.
#3 Remain present. Staying in the now- the present moment- gives you a natural sense of control, peace, and calm. Notice your surroundings. Step outside and bring awareness to all the elements – temperature, wind, colors, smells, sounds. Observe without thought or judgement. Just be. This is a practice and takes effort to weave in your daily routine, but the benefits can be astounding if you stay consistent. Start with one minute, increasing to five minutes. That’s all. Remaining mindful helps break up any stored negative energy and brings you back to center.
#4 Keep your power. Don’t give up your power to your ex and any negative stuff they choose to put out there. Understand that you cannot ever control someone else’s behavior. You can control how you think about the other person’s behavior. Always choose thoughts that serve your highest good. For example, if your ex, soon-to-be ex, or current spouse develops a habit of bad-mouthing you to your kids or mutual friends and family, remember this is a reflection of them – not you. Your children, family, and friends will eventually see this. People that choose to spend their time and energy putting you down to others (especially to children), have a real problem. Keeping YOUR thoughts clean and clear allows your truth to shine, and your friends and family will sense this.
♥ Always choose love over hate, peace over war, faith over fear ♥
Eryn Pernarelli, C.C. 